I'm Just So Very Sorry

There is no amount of reasoning that can give you back the time that you have lost with someone you love.

This is the most difficult lesson of all.

Children grow up so fast, there is no time to point fingers and try to justify your absence.

Looking back, I could give 100 excuses for why I had to stop..

But not one of those excuses will allow me to help you get ready for your prom or be there to see you you graduate from high school. 

And all of the little things that happen in between are just gone.

Regret is a strong word but it doesn't really tell the whole story.

They say that you should not hold on to regrets...put them behind you but you see this is where that word doesn't fit because some things you cannot just let go of, some regrets are just too big.

My actions or non actions changed the course of our lives forever.

When I close my eyes I can picture you in your prom dress bebopping around the house, getting ready and I can picture you in your cap and gown grabbing a hold of your diploma. 

But then I see the empty space standing at the door wishing you the best night and that empty chair at your graduation. 

I see times when you cried and I wasn't there and times when you were laughing and I still wasn't there.

I just wasn't there.

How can that be?

You see, regret cannot describe how this feels to me now or how it felt to you.

I'm sorry. 

I'm just So very sorry.