And this is what you left me

Dear Patrick,

It's been almost 4 years but it feels like longer since I saw you last. I struggle to bring that night back, it's slipping away from me, I don't want to remember, but I don't want to forget either.  I feel haunted by the words you left me. I will never know why you did this to yourself or why you would do this to me. Maybe it's not meant for me to know but I am sentenced just the same.
Today is only a reminder of a lifetime of these days. You are gone but you have left me with this, I get to hold it and carry it because if I let it go...
I can't let it go
How do I put this behind me? How do I forget that you died here? How do I ever make this right in my head? Even saying it hurts like hell. You didn't die here you killed yourself here and there is a difference. Your Birthday is near and  I am suppose to remember you on that day but it will be like any other day, it will be no different than yesterday, it hurt then and it hurts now it hurts everyday and it will hurt for the rest of my life.

And this is what you left me.



Patrick Brian Williams
June 12, 1965 - August 9, 2008